So this was Christmas, again.

Once again Christmas was a total non event, but this time I felt quite relaxed and not tearful about it. Old man is going downhill fast, no details. Let us just say that daily life with a progressive neurodegenerative disease aggravated by deafness is challenge enough without me doing a number on myself about creating special whatevers. In contrast to previous years when I would still attempt to make special food this was just another Sunday. 
Being a caregiver is a great excuse, right?

I did watch the Dr. Who Christmas special, which I found disappointing, trite and Americanised. I was too tired to stay up for The Husbands of River Song, which I wanted to see. River Song is my favourite Whovian character, followed closely by the lizard woman.

As mentioned before I admire people who make festive things happen, with decorations and lights and special cooking and so on, but I have never been good at it.  Even when it was still fun I always heaved a sigh of relief on Boxing Day. We could eat leftovers and relax while the kids were busy with the new toys.

Last year we had our fellow grandmother over and got a skype tour of the new home shared by our daughter and her son. That was nice. The year before was a non event but not nearly as bad as 2013. This year I was 90% OK. The brief exchanges with my fellow humbuggers on Facebook who were in the same boat were fun.

Just for my own reference I collected all Christmas related blogs in one space.

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2007/11/a-holiday-proposal.html


http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2013/12/that-sweet-dark-heart-of-year-and-bah.html

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2013/12/be-careful-what-you-ask-for.html

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2007/12/merry-christmas-from-taoist-pagan.html

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2007/12/rant-against-rudolf-red-nosed-reindeer.html

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2011/12/how-our-dutch-family-got-into-english.html

http://reflectionsrants.blogspot.ca/2010/03/credo.html

Be careful what you ask for.

Fresh snow is falling and it looks pretty outside. Yesterday's weather was meh, to match my very non-Christmaslike mood.

I usually prefer counting my blessings, which are many, to dwelling on lacks. In matters both emotional and material, some people have more than I do but many have less.
But yesterday I couldn't stop feeling sorry for myself. The positive mind could not override the sadness of the hungry heart. The rational inner adult was powerless over the sniffling inner child. I wanted my family, waah!

We had planned a minimalist Christmas here. No gift exchanges or decorations, just a nice dinner with guests. I enjoy setting the table and cooking my brains out once in a while. For reasons that don't matter here those plans fell through just a few days before. Plan B was to go to town and join the community pot luck. By the time we decided to do that all the tables were booked.

We could have joined Rosie's family, which would have been fun and mutually beneficial. Except for the driving. They live 30 km South of here. Old Dutch is not allowed to drive in the dark until he has cataract surgery, and I truly loathe doing it in winter.

So we were home alone. BAH HUMBUG indeed.

To my surprise I experienced a bad case of holiday blues. The kids called for nice long chats and I had a good phone visit with my dear Linda. By the time the calls were over it was past three. The roast I had planned to slow-cook was still partly frozen and I felt too tired and weepy to cook. This is NOT my normal self. Reminder to self: if you plan to ignore the season, be consistent and do not bake cookies. I can never eat just one or two. Sugar contributes to weird moods. 

We did have a nice bottle of wine, enjoyed with appies and Dr. Who at 6.  Apart from the fact that I love scifi, and Dr. Who is a truly amazing mix of wild imagination, humour and depth, it is a way to connect with the offspring who are devoted Whovians.

Thank Earth it is over for another year.

That sweet dark heart of the year, and BAH HUMBUG!

Tomorrow will be the winter Solstice, the midway point between Halloween and Ground Hog day, the darkest three months of the year. Garden Guru Elliot Coleman calls this the Persephone months, when nothing grows.

I appreciate it as a time for rest. I love the break from the outdoor work. This is a time for reading, blogging, and playing in the kitchen. While I sleep more and have less energy than in the lighter months I am most emphatically not depressed. I am contentedly hibernating. By February there will be seedlings under grow lights and the busy growing cycle starts all over again. Why should  this treasured quiet time be devoted to frenzied partying and endless social obligations? BAH, HUMBUG!

There are people who are good at this whole decorating and prepping thing. I admire them and wish them well. It is just not my thing. I am clumsy and lack the designer gene. Of course we did the works when the children were home. But these days I  give myself permission to ignore the festivities and enjoy the season in my own low-key way.

Apart from writing a few cards, attending the neighbourhood potluck Solstice and hosting a few friends on the 25th I have completely disengaged from Christmas. The children live a day away. It gives me joy to know they spend this time together. There are excellent reasons why we do not get together at Christmas time, and I am completely fine with that. Who needs the stress of renting a car at peak rates and driving a long distance over snowy roads? I just wish people would stop asking me if they are coming or if we are going there. NO. This does not mean we do not love each other.

And just because, here are seasonal posts from years past.

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2007/12/rant-against-rudolf-red-nosed-reindeer.html

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2007/11/a-holiday-proposal.html

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2007/12/merry-christmas-from-taoist-pagan.html

http://freegreenliving.blogspot.ca/2011/12/how-our-dutch-family-got-into-english.html

How our Dutch family got into English Christmas carols, way back when.

In terms of religious practice, my family of origin was a mixed bag. Mom was a devout member of the Dutch equivalent of the United Church, a liberal protestant. Dad labeled himself a humanist. His childhood  home had been dominated by devotion to the improvement of humanity's fate here on Earth. At his funeral the music included the socialist hymn "Morgenrood". 

The fear of WW 2 was still strong in the air and especially in my mother's mind. I was in my early teens before I found out that Dad's mother was Jewish. Mom swore me to secrecy, in case there was ever another war and some bad people would take Dad away. I am not making this up.

As far as I know Dad's childhood had been secular and dreidel-free, though he once mentioned that his grandparents, who lived above them, had a Mezuzah on their door. And at his mother's funeral he said Kaddish. We wish we had asked more questions.

When Mom and Dad married Dad agreed to send future kids to Christian elementary schools, in order to compensate for the lack of church going at home. I was a devout little Christian girl till age 14 when critical thinking kicked in. Dad was mainly silent on the topic, but made no bones about his objections to fear-filled forms of religion that suck the joy out of here-and-now life.

Christmas was a rare time when Dad would set his normal cynicism aside and pretend. He'd read the Christmas story from the Bible, and join in singing carols around the Christmas tree, which was small but real and lit with real candles. 

Once in a great while he would even deign to accompany Mom to church, a sweet little chapel hidden inside the block of flats where we lived.

In 1954 Mom befriended the wife of the organist of the Anglican church in Amsterdam. They lived around the corner and had children of similar ages. For a while a friendship actually flourished between the couples. And somehow, our family got into Christmas Carols. Dad liked them because he was a total Anglophile, and because the songs were cheerful. We even attended a Christmas service in the ancient English church in Begijnhof, a truly magical place hidden in a busy part of downtown.

I still love the traditional carols. The childhood memories make them all the more special. 

I find deep meaning in simply celebrating Earth's turnings. I take my Gaia plain, but deities of choice can be inserted if desired.  The huge fires on Solstice felt so right! But meaningful traditions have to grow organically. The process can't be forced. I would have loved to belt out some hearty Herald Angels and other traditional carols as we stood in the circle.

Between Merry and Bah Humbug

Originally posted on Multiply December 20 2009

I truly admire people who have the energy, creativity and design sense to decorate to the hilt, but am not one of them. Ordinary life is enough of a challenge. We live surrounded by real fir trees, why bother bringing one inside? Of course it was different when there was kids in the house. Last year as a token to the spirit of Illumination we bought one of those tiny fake trees with shifting shimmery lights. It is quite cute, but the sparkles don't show up on a picture.

Chris had the idea to string the lights that would have gone onto a real tree along the ceiling, and I hung some balls from an old lamp chain. The sheep with the googly eyes would normally top the tree, but it gets to guard a ball instead. Voilà, Casa van Houten is as decorated as it will get.

It actually looks quite nice and twinkly in a funky sort of way but the flash destroys the effect.

December sets one up for grief. There is all that pressure in the air to have a life filled with Hallmark moments. It is easy to feel sorry for oneself if reality is different.

Both of our children have valid reasons for skipping the "Home for Christmas" family gathering thing. Son is with the girlfriend, which is where he should be after an intense semester of study at the coast.

Daughter works her scientific tail off and needs the break to just veg hassle-free with her own family. I can totally relate. We will do a relaxed pressure-free visit sometime later in the winter. This too is as it should be. And of course our extended family of siblings is all overseas.

As usual I feel torn between wanting to be part of the whole thing and pulling the covers over my head till Groundhog Day. In an earlier blog I described December as the month one feels depressed about not being invited to parties that one doesn't really feel like going to.
At least there is something one can do about the first part: Do the inviting! Yesterday Saturday 19th, we had a nice relaxed almost-Solstice dinner party with some neighbors.

I made dip, punch, a huge pan of locally raised goat meat in a spicy Ethiopian sauce, millet (great with goat or lamb) and a witloof salad. Others brought raw vegs, garlic mashed potatoes, ratatouille and wine. For desert a fabulous Black Forest Cake was produced through the magic of barter. The baker gets Reflexology.

Wine, talk and laughter flowed freely and it appears a good time was had by all, but I don't post pictures of people without their permission.

Today is my favorite part of any social event: the day after. I am basking in the glow of having pulled it off.

A Rant against Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer

I understand that Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer is a local classic and children's favorite. I have never liked it, partly because it usurps air space better devoted to herald angels, and partly because there is something quite warped in the story line.

What exactly is the life lesson that kids are getting here?
At first, it looks good. A bullied underdog, or rather under-deer is recognized for his special gift and becomes a hero. So far, so good.

But then we get this line: "Then all the reindeer loved him"
Really! Our boy is famous and now all his former tormentors want to be his friend? This is supposed to be the happy ending? What does this teach children about the nature of friendship?

A true friend stands by you while you are being bullied, he does not do a sudden turnaround because some higher authority decides you have some use. YUCK.

A Holiday proposal

Call me Scrooge. Even in years when we have a nice get-together with friends or family I hate the frantic build-up. I hate the Hallmark/Hollywood reinforced suggestion that one is missing out if life is not filled with glittering and/or deeply meaningful gatherings.

December is the month when one feels depressed about not getting invited to parties that one would not enjoy much anyway. I am not a good party person. I prefer people in small batches.

I also do not like traveling over snowy roads in the dark, nor do I want my loved ones to expose themselves to unnecessary risks.

At this time of year I really enjoy withdrawing. This is not depression, more contented hibernation. Happiness is a pile of books, a good internet connection and a pot of tea. In the deepest dark cookies may become involved. Sparingly, because I am a cookieholic. 

It is amazing how many people one meets with the same reaction. My friend Els has a solitary Christmas ritual. She did plenty of the usual when her four children and numerous foster children were home. But these days she declines all invitations from friends and family. She lights a fire, puts on Christmas music, unwraps a chocolate treat and settles down for the day to read. Some beloved Christmas stories are on the reading list. She gleefully reports that many women, knee-deep in guests and kitchen stress, have expressed envy.

So I have a proposal. 

We get to keep the days off. We need a break at that time of year. We mark the Winter Solstice, the Return of the Light, whether as a secular celebration or a religious holiday. By the way, this pagan will happily wish you a Merry Christmas.

But if we must have that yearly busy card-writing visiting-present-giving party-going thing, let's move it to the spring equinox or even May Day. 
In spring we feel restless and ready to crawl out of the winter cave, but the gardens are not happening yet. In climates where gardens are happening it is not panic season yet. Travel is safer. What a perfect time to socialise!
How about it?