Blog from the Kootenays : grief

Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

Monday, 30 December 2013

Jahrzeit thoughts for Nooveya

Today it is a year since the sparkle that was Nooveya so suddenly left her family. The time of her absence has lasted almost as long as her presence.

While we are in these three-dee bodies we cannot know why she came and went. All we can do is wonder at life's mystery, accept the gifts that our lost loves left for us, and muddle through as best we can. LOVE does not die.

Nooveya was so intensely alive while she was with us. Seeing her pictures on Facebook was always a treat. The very best was a short video of Nooveya cheering on her brother as he was practicing soccer. I must have watched it half a dozen times, and it never failed to make me giggle.

Her sudden death affected many people beyond her family. I only met her once. Yet for some reason I only have to come across her picture unexpectedly to feel tears well up. Good tears. The kind that signals we have a heart that is alive. My crazy theory is that she came to open people's hearts.

We have put the video on Youtube. Link below.

Nooveya cheering Evrrdy

If Nooveya touched you, please pass along this link so she can continue to make people grin. If you have never met her, some of her mother's many pictures are here on a memorial blog. We call it Nooveya's song.

May her spark continue to kindle many hearts.

This beautiful card, with a small crystal in the heart/womb, is made by local artist Alexandra Krajewski, based on an original painting. It is used here with permission.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

A long day of hugs and tears, and more communications snafus.

Ah, the benefits of extended families! I really wanted to share in the memorial for Nooveya, but needed a ride to the other side of Kelowna. I cannot drive that distance or in that traffic. All three potential rides fell through for valid reasons. At the last moment Linda's middle daughter Larissa had the brilliant idea that her partner's parents, who live near Nakusp, might take me. They did. Mom R. drives a school bus for a living and was not fazed by the four hour drive there and back again in the dark and snow. Thank Earth for steady drivers. I am so grateful.

It was standing room only at the memorial place. Aunt Larissa and Mom Chandra had created a slideshow of Nooveya pictures that had us all alternating between giggles and aaww....And more tears of course. There were many tears but it felt good to share them.

In her too brief life this little girl touched so many hearts. She would come along with Mom when Mom volunteered at Evrrdy's school. Everyone agreed she was special, so happy all the time. I wonder if part of her knew she only had a short Earth contract and was just visiting?

Talking about networks, R's sister has a huge home close to the gathering place and kindly opened it not only to her nephew and his partner, but to Larissa's large family. We went there after the open ceremony for more food and drinks and general hanging out. By the time we got back near Nakusp it was close to midnight.

I had driven to my benefactors' home in a rural area on the other side of town in the morning. It is just a 15 minute drive home and the road was OK for winter driving. Halfway there* the car suddenly sputtered, slowed and stopped. I managed to steer it to more or less the side of the road and made a few attempts to get it started again. Nope. A few coughs, even a few attempts to turn over, but no go and eventual total silence. My new friends would still be up and it would be no big deal to them to give me a ride home. Guess what: the cell phone, freshly charged, hardly used and topped up a few days ago, said "emergency call only". WTF?

I womaned up and set off on foot for a walk in the dark. My main worry was slipping on icy patches. My boots are nice and warm but the profile is pathetic. I was also wearing my moderate temp coat, not the long one with the hood for really cold weather. It was about minus 10C. Mumbling little blue engine exhortations I had made it about halfway home when I was overtaken by my neighbor, on her way home from evening shift. A warm car never felt so good!

By this time it was midnight and I was wide awake, too worked up to go to sleep. Had I mentioned yet that our land line conked out again last Friday? The telus mobility website was and remains not functioning because of upgrades. We have Chris' phone but it only has a bit of credit. This is all a bit too reminiscent of the communications snafus we endured in July.

At least we are together, the internet is working, and so are my legs. Tomorrow is bus day and we will do the shopping then. I will cancel the Tuesday engagements. We'll manage. And now it is time for a rest. I am retreating to the bedroom with David Copperfield on the Kobo.

*for locals: I got stranded on Highway 6 just before the turnoff to Brouse Loop.

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

The space of a dawn: Nooveya's song.

This post was published January 2 2013. I don’t know why blogger wants to change that date.

Nooveya's mother gave permission to post these pictures. They are all from her Facebook. If this were paper and ink the text would be unreadable because of tears falling on it. Nooveya is pronounced with the emphasis on the second syllable. The name is Inuit, the people of her father's mother.

Nothing soothes the raw howling pain of losing a child. But I find some comfort in these words I once heard in a radio play about a girl who died young. "Lives are like books. Some are long fat novels and some are short stories. Your daughter was a short story. Brief, but nonetheless complete". Nooveya's life was not even a short story.

Her brief life was a song, a bright year of joy and happiness that will always be remembered.

The expression "the space of a dawn" comes from a poem for a friend who has lost a 4 year old daughter. The rest of the poem is pretentious Stoic claptrap but these lines are lovely. They took up residence in my head when my own first born died a day after birth. Pardon my French.
"Mais elle était du monde ou les plus belles choses
ont le pire destin.
Et Rose elle a vécu ce que vivent les roses:
l'espace d'un matin."
(computer does accent aigu on the e but nothing else. Never mind.)
Francois Malherbe

Quicky attempt at translation.
But she was of the world where the most lovely things
are to soon be forlorn
And Rosie has lived the short span of a flower
The space of a morn.

Nooveya did not even have a morning, just a dawn. But what a joyful dawn it was.
Nooveya Sakari Joy Popko was born December 3 2011. Dad Michael and grandma Linda were there.

Brother Evrrdy loved her right away. Uncle Keelan handing over the precious bundle to her big brother.

Big brother with sister at home.

She was smiling by week 5.

Her trademark beaming grin had fully developed by February.

Communing with Grandma Linda.

Below: Nooveya in the arms of her mother Chandra. I love this picture. Nooveeya did not inherit the dimples but had the same happy sparkle as her mother.

The first time I saw Chandra she was in the arms of her beautiful mother Linda, my sister in spirit. Linda is 13 years my junior but has been my guru in matters of homesteading and food preservation. This woman is a master gardener, cook and canner and has passed the gift on to all her children. She is a fantastic mother, competent at everything she does, an incredibly generous, energetic survivor and one of the people I love and admire most on this planet.

Below: a smile in April.

Early spring gave the Popko grandparents a chance to travel from Norman Wells to Greenwood to meet the new grand daughter. Nooveya got to ride in Napatchee's amoutie.

All grandparents together at the Greenwood homestead.

Trust Linda to house and feed multitudes without blinking an eye. Below: kisses for auntie Drisana, Mom's big sister.

Auntie Drisana with cousins Milena(left) and Seren (right).

May saw some adventures: hiking and geocaching in the hills near Kelowna.

Shamelessly flirting with Uncle Keelan.

On top of the mountain with Mommy!

Big brother introducing the joys of the lake.

Zia Aimee came to visit.

Evrrdy graduated from Kindergarten, with Dad and grandma Linda.

Summer brought many outings to beach and playgrounds and visits to family. Nooveya loved exploring nature.

Below: kisses from Opa.

The summer pictures are not necessarily in chronological order. I am trying to put all her loved ones in there.
The girl sure loved her food! Helping auntie Larissa with some baking during a trip to Fort St John in the gas belt.