Monday, 30 December 2013

Jahrzeit thoughts for Nooveya

Today it is a year since the sparkle that was Nooveya so suddenly left her family. The time of her absence has lasted almost as long as her presence.

While we are in these three-dee bodies we cannot know why she came and went. All we can do is wonder at life's mystery, accept the gifts that our lost loves left for us, and muddle through as best we can. LOVE does not die.

Nooveya was so intensely alive while she was with us. Seeing her pictures on Facebook was always a treat. The very best was a short video of Nooveya cheering on her brother as he was practicing soccer. I must have watched it half a dozen times, and it never failed to make me giggle.

Her sudden death affected many people beyond her family. I only met her once. Yet for some reason I only have to come across her picture unexpectedly to feel tears well up. Good tears. The kind that signals we have a heart that is alive. My crazy theory is that she came to open people's hearts.

We have put the video on Youtube. Link below.

Nooveya cheering Evrrdy

If Nooveya touched you, please pass along this link so she can continue to make people grin. If you have never met her, some of her mother's many pictures are here on a memorial blog. We call it Nooveya's song.

May her spark continue to kindle many hearts.

This beautiful card, with a small crystal in the heart/womb, is made by local artist Alexandra Krajewski, based on an original painting.  It is used here with permission.

Thursday, 26 December 2013

Be careful what you ask for.

Fresh snow is falling and it looks pretty outside. Yesterday's weather was meh, to match my very non-Christmaslike mood.

I usually prefer counting my blessings, which are many, to dwelling on lacks. In matters both emotional and material, some people have more than I do but many have less.
But yesterday I couldn't stop feeling sorry for myself. The positive mind could not override the sadness of the hungry heart. The rational inner adult was powerless over the sniffling inner child. I wanted my family, waah!

We had planned a minimalist Christmas here. No gift exchanges or decorations, just a nice dinner with guests. I enjoy setting the table and cooking my brains out once in a while. For reasons that don't matter here those plans fell through just a few days before. Plan B was to go to town and join the community pot luck. By the time we decided to do that all the tables were booked.

We could have joined Rosie's family, which would have been fun and mutually beneficial. Except for the driving. They live 30 km South of here. Old Dutch is not allowed to drive in the dark until he has cataract surgery, and I truly loathe doing it in winter.

So we were home alone. BAH HUMBUG indeed.

To my surprise I experienced a bad case of holiday blues. The kids called for nice long chats and I had a good phone visit with my dear Linda. By the time the calls were over it was past three. The roast I had planned to slow-cook was still partly frozen and I felt too tired and weepy to cook. This is NOT my normal self. Reminder to self: if you plan to ignore the season, be consistent and do not bake cookies. I can never eat just one or two. Sugar contributes to weird moods. 

We did have a nice bottle of wine, enjoyed with appies and Dr. Who at 6.  Apart from the fact that I love scifi, and Dr. Who is a truly amazing mix of wild imagination, humour and depth, it is a way to connect with the offspring who are devoted Whovians.

Thank Earth it is over for another year.

Friday, 20 December 2013

That sweet dark heart of the year, and BAH HUMBUG!

Tomorrow will be the winter Solstice, the midway point between Halloween and Ground Hog day, the darkest three months of the year. Garden Guru Elliot Coleman calls this the Persephone months, when nothing grows.

I appreciate it as a time for rest. I love the break from the outdoor work. This is a time for reading, blogging, and playing in the kitchen. While I sleep more and have less energy than in the lighter months I am most emphatically not depressed. I am contentedly hibernating. By February there will be seedlings under grow lights and the busy growing cycle starts all over again. Why should  this treasured quiet time be devoted to frenzied partying and endless social obligations? BAH, HUMBUG!

There are people who are good at this whole decorating and prepping thing. I admire them and wish them well. It is just not my thing. I am clumsy and lack the designer gene. Of course we did the works when the children were home. But these days I  give myself permission to ignore the festivities and enjoy the season in my own low-key way.

Apart from writing a few cards, attending the neighbourhood potluck Solstice and hosting a few friends on the 25th I have completely disengaged from Christmas. The children live a day away. It gives me joy to know they spend this time together. There are excellent reasons why we do not get together at Christmas time, and I am completely fine with that. Who needs the stress of renting a car at peak rates and driving a long distance over snowy roads? I just wish people would stop asking me if they are coming or if we are going there. NO. This does not mean we do not love each other.

And just because, here are seasonal posts from years past.