Relax, all you sad disappointed romantics out there. You are not alone. Yes, couples exist who are still nuts about each other after many years of marriage. I know some. And I also know divorced singles whose lives were blighted by the search for the romantic perfect, when they had the imperfect but adequate.
The psychology industry, with its over-emphasis on self actualization at the cost of family and community, has much to answer for. But that is several other topics. Let's keep it light today.
Quotes about why marriage is doomed from the start:
Women marry a man of 25 and think they'll change him.
Men marry a woman of 25 and think she will never change.
Albert Camus:"It lasts or it burns. Why can't it last and burn?"
There is now scientific research into pheromones and hormones and such that explains why that initial magnetic pull diminishes after about 2 years. Time to move on to the next level of a shared life. Supporting each other's life work. Dinner with in-laws. Perhaps mortgages and babies. Some boredom may be involved.
Lord Chesterton: "It doesn't matter who you marry. A month later you will find out it was somebody else anyway".
Case in point: My husband thought he was marrying a fellow gypsy. Our happiest times together involved travel. Neither of us knew I had this inner peasant waiting to burst out.
Any half decent astrologer could have seen it at a glance, but we did not believe in such nonsense at the time.
Beth James, reflecting on past agonies of love from the safe shore of her sixties: "All this ANGST. About....just another human being!"
John Gray with his Mars/Venus nonsense drives me nuts. As my Aries (ruled by Mars, for the astrologically illiterate) mother said: "It just isn't true!". Amen.
Astrology is the oldest form of psychology, and as such a fascinating study. A woman with Mars in sexy Scorpio is bound to have a stronger sex drive than a man with Mars in airy Gemini. Unfortunately all the stereotypes and jokes assume it is the other way around.
But Mark Grungor's talks about the difference between men and women are too funny to resist. The concept of the "nothing box" is hilarious. Will women discover the joys of the nothing box on their own, now that men are doing a fairer share of the chores? It would not surprise me one bit if some of this material will be irrelevant to newer generations. Time will tell.
I could have used some of his advice earlier, though he too suffers from the John Gray fallacy.
For your entertainment, here is Mark Grungor on men's brains and women's brains.
P.S. for Dutch readers. The Nothing Box concept reminds me of an old kronkel column by Simon Carmiggelt.
He writes about sitting in his easy chair on a Sunday afternoon. His wife is doing something in the kitchen. Hey, this was the fifties. The children are playing under the couch, something mysterious with two blocks and a mirror. He is doing nothing and feeling perfectly happy. "Hem rest slechts een zorg. Dat zijn vrouw tegen hem zegt: "Wat zit je daar toch sullig. Ben je soms ziek?" Want vrouwen kunnen het niet. Zij zijn van nature te dribbelig."
Other blogs on the Battle of the Sexes: http://reflectionsrants.blogspot.ca/2011/02/valentine.html